I’m learning and understanding more and more everyday that life is full of messy bits. We can try to escape them, we can try to avoid them, we can even pretend like it’s not happening, but life is, in fact, full of messy bits. And it’s okay! The messy bits are part of the dance of life. Life is not a magical perfect moment. Are there those moments? Yes! But not all the time. And as soon as we get better at accepting the messy bits of life – especially our own, then it’s going to be a better adventure that we are embracing. Life is good…even in the messy.
Failure: I’ve noticed that I live in fear of failure. And by doing so, I end up failing. So the fear that I’m having, and what i’m afraid will happen, happens. Crazy, huh?! But really what is failure? Does failure define us forever? Does it make us less or lose our worth? I used to believe so. Yet now i’m seeing that failure means that at least I’m trying. Stepping out, living, experiencing, and embracing all that there is. And sometimes I may fail. And guess what, sometimes I end up succeeding. My goal for this year is to not be so afraid to fail. Actually, my goal is to get out there and live, and more than likely, that will include failing. Lots of it. But it’s those moments of failure that continue to make me stronger, wiser, wittier, funnier, nimbler, and filled with more grace and compassion for those around me.
Lately, I’ve been understanding and thinking on the life of Judas. There’s a whole shit ton more that needs to go here…but, i’m still ruminating over it. So I’ll write down my more put together thoughts on this later. But let me leave you with this: I do NOT want to hang myself (theoretically, not literally) everyday, anymore, because I refuse to accept and/or believe the GRACE that God fully lavishes on me. I mean, Jesus says, “It is finished!”. So am I going to live like it’s finished, or am I going to beat myself up everyday for the past and present mistakes or areas i’ve fallen short… and quite frankly for any future mistakes and areas that I’ll fall short? Do I accept His Grace or not?
I want to write a book. Maybe some essays. Who knows? I have much in me that needs to be expressed. Are you scared? You should
I’m learning, I’m growing, I’m trying, but most importantly, I’m BEING… that’s all any of us can do.