Starting Again

I haven’t written in about 2 months. I’ve been terrified. Terrified to write. To feel. To express. I started feeling like what I had to say was irrelevant. That I was irrelevant. And that if I didn’t have some awesomely deep life changing writing, that I should just, NOT. I started am believing the lie that I am too simple, unworthy, not smart; and only the deep thinkers and wordy wordsmiths should write. As I read other blogs, I started comparing their blogs to me as a person and my worth. Basically, I started believing that if the world doesn’t love my blog, then they don’t love me, which means, i’m unlovable.

But then I remembered, I am who I am.

Simple. Beautiful Mess. Tender hearted. Lover. Fixer. Over-thinker. Doubter. Silly. Mercy giver. Compassionate. Loyal. Jesus Freak. Renaissance Woman. Feeler.

Oh! What a feeler I am. Just make it stop, or at least give a girl a break sometimes.

And the list could go on. But here’s the thing. I love to write. It’s always been a passion of mine. So from now on, I need to write for me. The silly, mundane, ridiculous, deep, Jesus centered, or just plain ole silly pop culture nonsense. If I want to write about it, I don’t need to worry about who’s reading it. Because honestly, I’m writing it for me. To get out all the thoughts in my head. Those randomly, deep, silly, important and oh so Raelynn things. And if you are here reading this, welcome to my world. It will be what it is. Silly or not, life changing or not, deep thoughts or not, it’s just me. And, I say it a lot, but I’m embracing me.

I will be on this journey of embracing all my life. But definitely, right now, it’s top on my list…not to be afraid of me. Embrace me. Love me.

And with that, I will start again – this writing process.

“One of the gifts of being a writer is that it gives you an excuse to do things, to go places and explore. Another is that writing motivates you to look closely at life, at life as it lurches by and tramps around.” Anne Lamott