I love hate change. There’s no way around it. I love it, but I hate it too. Passionately, on both sides. Change makes my eye twitch and can even, at times, make me break out in hives. Even now while i’m typing this, I feel all twitchy. I don’t like talking about change because that means I’ll have to accept the reality of what it is. Change is inevitable. And sometimes it’s a slow moving process that you look back at and say, “oh, I didn’t even know”; but you feel and see how change was just a slow moving enriching process on your journey. But then at times, it comes at you like a freight truck and runs you over before you even know what happened and you’re left there with the carnage. Sounds extreme, but that’s how it is at times. At least for me.
I’ve been going through a season of change. I say season, because it’s been with me for awhile now. I’d say for the last 6 months change has come at me like a spider monkey, screeching and demanding I take notice while it hooks on to me. I’ve been great at ignoring that little, but oh so present, spider monkey. Or, rather, avoiding. Again, the twitchy thing! But, I’m at a place where I just can’t avoid anymore. Avoiding was fun and carefree for awhile…okay, not really, as it was rough often; but where I am right now, that will not work for me anymore. Avoidance. It’s not good for me, it’s not good for those I love, and it’s really not what God would want from me. He wants me to face it bravely and honestly. He sees it for what it is…just more chapters in my story. And I’d like to tell you I’m brave and honest…but not so much. Well, I’ll be honest with you, but not so honest with myself.
In reality, change is going to unfold new adventures full of happiness, laughter, hope, joy, discovery…but also it brings sadness, loss, devastation…shall I go on? Basically, there’s good and there’s bad to change. I’m realizing now, it’s how I react to that change is key. Am I avoiding, kicking, screaming, saying NO?! Or am I leaning in to it; the good with the bad, and realizing that this movement of change is all part of my story. And I can try to flee from change, but it will always be there. I can run away, but one way or another, i’ll run right back in to it.
So for now, this is just a short post on change, because I’m still wrapping my mind around it fully. I have so many thoughts not put together. Change is here. But it doesn’t mean that things are ending. I don’t need to be so gloom and doomy about it. But rather see the beauty that unfolds: how I change, how people change and how we react to those changes. And I’m going to learn to embrace the beautiful mess and uncomfortable feelings I have associated with it. In those uncomfortable moments, we have some of the sweetest life lessons. Change doesn’t mean BAD, it means a new chapter in the story. And what a beautiful novel I am. You are. We are.